I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
