Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
