I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
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