just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Randomize
