never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
