i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
