I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
