bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
