im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
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