Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
