you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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