I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
