threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
