you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Can Purell be used as lube?
I think i peed on brittanys purse
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
