talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
