Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Randomize
