just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
