Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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