so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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