I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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