is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
