I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
