Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
