Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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