please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
do nipples grow back?
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