Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
