my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Randomize
