i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
false alarm, still single
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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