I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
