areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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