I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
