so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
