My boss' voice literally gives me gas
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
