so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
