in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
