her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
She bit a glass in half.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
