So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
