fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
i love accidental penises.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
