Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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