I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
