so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
