This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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