she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
