I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
