Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
she peed on how many people?
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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