I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
