I'm drive I can fine osifer
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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