His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
