Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
