Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
