Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I just gargled with NyQuil
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
