i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
