I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
