If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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