I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
